Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin Defends James Harrison On Recent Fine

By: Taren Vaughan

With the NFL cracking down on quite a few things when it comes to their players and how they are behaving both on and off the field, a number of people’s pockets are starting to feel the hurt. And Pittsburgh Steelers James Harrison just happens to be one of those people. The linebacker recently got fined $25,000 for a roughing-the-passer penalty in Sunday’s game against the Buffalo Bills. This made the fourth hit that cost Harrison a sizeable chunk out of his paycheck. Of course, Harrison wasn’t too thrilled about losing his money. But apparently his recent loss has led his coach to take up for him on the matter.

Mike Tomlin on Harrison’s fine:

“He’s got two kids. That’s some serious college schooling right there potentially for those kids 16, 18 years from now.”

Come on now, let’s be serious here people. Like this man is the only NFL player that has kids to send off to college because he most definitely is not. Most importantly, the amount of money that he got fined for is equivalent to some people’s yearly salaries. So why are we supposed to get all up in arms about this again?

No disrespect to Coach Tomlin at all, as most of us applaud his exceptional accomplishments as the Steelers head coach. But I’m not so sure how many people actually feel the same amount of sympathy for Harrison as he appears to have. Sorry, but most of us out here are not pulling in million dollar salaries and are still finding ways to send children off to college.

$25,000 is no chump change for anyone, whether you are throwing a football in front of thousands of fans or not. And as of now, James Harrison has racked up approximately $125,000 worth of fines for the season. Harrison may not be a “dirty player”, as Tomlin said Harrison felt he was being portrayed as. But at this rate, he will be a broke one if he doesn’t get it together.

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Everyday Should Be A Day Of Thanksgiving

Thanks should be given to God everyday of our lives.

By: Taren Vaughan

As another Thanksgiving Day rolls around, many of us came together with our family members, close friends, neighbors and significant others to partake in lots of good eating and fellowship. As these are the things that we are known for doing on this day, we should always focus on the main purpose of the holiday itself. And that is to give God the utmost thanks for the things that He has done for us throughout the year and our lives altogether. Some of our lists may be much longer than others. But regardless, we all have something to be thankful for each and every day which is why praising God for our blessings should be done on more than just one day out of 365.

Although Thanksgiving Day is coined as the day that we all give thanks to God, is that really enough time to tell Him thank you for all that He has done for us? A single 24-period is all that He gets?

I don’t know about you but I know that with all the things that God has blessed me with and all of the times that He has been there for me when I had no hope and things in my life were really getting the best of me, just one day is not nearly enough time for me to tell Him how much I appreciate what He has done for me in my life and in the lives of people who are close to me as well.

Each day that we have here on Earth is a blessing, for each one of them is not promised to any of us. And that in itself is enough to be thankful for. So even if you get to a point, which I’m sure none of us ever will, where you don’t feel like you have a specific thing or situation to be thankful for, be thankful for life itself. Be thankful for another chance to start over. Be thankful for God’s grace and mercy because without it, where would we be? There are so many things to be thankful for; the list could literally go on for days. Continuously praise God for all He has done for you, on Thanksgiving Day and every other day of the year. For every day that you have breath in your body, should be a day of Thanksgiving.

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Instant Access: Are You Too Available To Your Man?

Do you think your man will drop his plans for you like you do for him?

By: Taren Vaughan

Picture this…Your man randomly calls you up and tells you that he has an exciting evening planned for just the two of you. Never revealing where you two are going, he just tells you to put on something really nice and to get ready. The only piece of information that he gives you is what time he will be at your place to pick you up. After hearing about what your evening is going to hold, you scrabble through your closet to find the flyest dress that you own and those delicious pair of stilettos that you’ve been dying to break in. Hair is fabulous, make-up is on point; you are in straight diva mode and no one can tell you otherwise. Sounds like a familiar scene to most of us right?

After taking hours to get yourself ready for the night, you suddenly get that infamous phone call. And guess who it is on the other end? It’s your man, telling you that he can’t make it tonight and that you’ll have to reschedule your outing for another time. If only he could see the screw face that you are giving him through the phone. Pissed as hell, you simply say “Okay, maybe another night” and leave it at that. The next weekend rolls around and “Mr. Romance” is back at it again, pulling the same “Let’s go out tonight” line again only for him to fall short once again on his promises to you. Is he really that inconsiderate? Or is it that he thinks you have absolutely nothing better to do with your life than to sit around and wait on him?

As much as we may hate to admit it, some of us make ourselves way too available to our men. As soon as the phone rings and he asks you to go somewhere, you drop everything that you are doing for him. Forget about the promise that you made your friend last week about going with her to a family reunion. And totally dismiss the fact that you and your sister were supposed to go out for drinks later on that night.

Did that phone call from your man make you forget all of the things you had planned before you heard his voice? Now do you think he would do the same for you? Drop his plans with his friends just because you have a sudden urge to go out to dinner? Ha, wishful thinking my dear. Hell will freeze over before he would even think about doing something like that.

For some strange reason, these men folk think that we are just sitting by the phone, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for their calls before we make any sudden moves. Okay, well maybe that is the case for some of us. But even if that is what you are doing, by all means don’t let him know that. Find something better to do with your time. Better yet, get a life, literally. I’m sure there are plenty of things that you could be doing with your time. Plan a girls’ night out with your friends or spend some time with your family. Whatever you do, don’t sit around waiting on him, especially if he is notorious for canceling on you all the time. Your accessibility should be limited if know for a fact that your man never comes through with what he says he is going to do.

I’m sure many of us have had this happen quite a few times and probably felt some type way about it too. But that’s what having back up plans is for. So when he does do the predictable and leaves you hanging after agreeing to spend some time with you, you will have something to do with all that free time on your hands. So the next time your man tries to wine and dine you at the very last minute, tell him you already have things to do. And your plans won’t be changing for him because regardless of what he may think, your time is just as precious as his.

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Research Shows Drop In STD Rates: How Does This Affect Black Americans?

As some STD rates drop, Blacks are still the group most affected by them.

By: Taren Vaughan

As African Americans, our health is constantly affected by one thing or another. There are a number of different diseases that affect our race as a whole, no matter what gender we are. Multiple forms of cancer, heart disease, diabetes and hypertension, just to name a few, are things that continuously plague the Black community, even with all the advancements that have been made over the years. As these things play a major role in our overall quality of life, however there are other diseases that have more of an impact on our bodies than we realize.

Sexually transmitted diseases such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis have been around for quite some time now, dating all the way back to the early to mid 1900’s. And with the development of various drugs and treatments, it has led to the decrease of the diseases being spread from person to person. While the rates of gonorrhea cases have plummeted since the discovery of the disease in the mid 1940’s, the rates for other STDs have increased tremendously. And the group that bears the biggest burden when it comes to this is African Americans.

Even with all the decreases that have been found concerning STD rates, namely gonorrhea, African Americans still remain as the racial group that is most impacted by these diseases. Black women ages 15 to 24 are highly susceptible to contracting gonorrhea from their partners, who just so happen to be African American men for the most part. Aside from gonorrhea, another STD that is on the rise is syphilis. Mind you, this disease can spread and can cause some serious damage to other body parts and vital organs. So leaving this disease untreated could be life threatening for both genders.

With all these many ways to keep our bodies free from STDs, why is it that Black Americans seem to always be the ones harboring these diseases more than anyone else?

According to the CDC, there are “a range of factors contributes to these disparities, including poverty, lack of access to health care”. This does make a lot of sense but at the same time, could it also be due to our nonchalant attitudes when it comes to this topic? I don’t know when it started but for some reason some of us don’t take getting STDs as serious as we should, especially the ones that we know are curable. Seems like we only start to really pay attention when someone is talking about HIV as if it’s the only harmful one out there. And it shouldn’t be that way.

Furthermore, having a curable STD means nothing when you have no idea that you have it. Yes, it’s great that many of these STDs can be cured by taking a round of antibiotics. But if you have no idea that you have one, what good is that going to do for you? Not knowing your status when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases can lead to irreversible complications, especially where we women are concerned. Infertility is a major thing that stems from having an untreated STD and that alone should be more of a reason for us to get tested regularly.

No matter how safe you deem your sex life to be, STD screenings should be done any time a person is sexually active, even if you are only having sex with one person. If it’s unprotected, then you need to get tested. Numbers don’t lie. And with how high some of them are, it’s very clear that some of us are walking around thinking we don’t have any STDs when in actuality we do, often times more than one.

Source: WebMd

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Editor's Beauty Picks of the Month: The Deep Red Lip, Cool Neutrals, A Lovely Scent, And Perfect Holiday Polishes

Gorgeous deep reds and cool neutrals for the lip, a lovely fragrance that stills sells like it's new, addictive gorgeous metallics, foils, and gel polishes inspired by the glamorous OPI and China Glaze. These are my beauty picks of the month.

By: Amanda Anderson

1. Lips That Pop: Bring Out the Gorgeous Deep Reds and Cool Off With the Perfect Neutrals.

Not feeling the reds? Rich purples are perfect for the season. (Tomango by Nars)

The colder months call for the most dramatic and coolest of lips. Red lipstick is the one shade that is either a hit or a complete miss, but for a woman of color, deep reds work best. And with the colder months now here in full effect, it's the perfect time to pull out your deep rich reds. Burgundies and sultry crimsons are radiant on black women, and will be a must have staple this season.

When you need a moment to cool down, look to your neutrals and cooler tones to get a cooler look that still demands attention. Icy pinks, cocoas, and purples will be the perfect alternative to those who shy away from reds.

2. Classic scent: Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker.

This scent may be a few years old, but it still sells faster than some newer fragrances. It's for good reason, considering that this has to be one of the best scents I've collected in quite some time. Sweet, clean, seductive, and luxurious all in one fragrance; I can't help but feel that every belle should have this one in her stash.

3. Perfect Polishes for the Season: 'Tis The Season Holiday Collection by China Glaze and 4. the Burlesque Collection from OPI

This isn't the entire collection*

Who isn't always searching for the perfect nail polish? The holiday season is finally here, and you can't celebrate the best time of the year right without the perfect manicure. Believe me when I say the perfect manicure is only a few China Glaze and OPI bottles away.

China Glaze has done it again, and unleashed a holiday collection that every nail polish addict can't seem to live without. Composed of shimmery reds, delicious gold foils, perfect whites, and gemmed greens; this might be a collection to include on your wish list.

Favorites are sure to include Peace on Earth, an extraordinary olive green shimmer; Party Hearty, the ultimate holiday glitter polish; Mistletoe Kisses, a green glitter I couldn't live without; and Midnight Kisses, the best gold foil I've seen from China Glaze. You can find this collection at your local Sally's, Ulta, and a whole host of online vendors.

OPI has chosen a different route to bring out the holiday season in glam, and instead, launched it's Burlesque collection just in time for the intense shopping season. If you're not in the mood for the traditional greens, reds, and golds; you'll love this collection of sizzling metallics, sparkles, glitters, and seductive reds and pinks.

If you love a polish with attitude, this will most certainly be among your favorite OPI collections. Hits include Taking the Stage, Ali's Big Break, Bring on the Bling, Rising Star, and Tease-Y Does It.

To nab this gorgeous collection of OPI must haves, take a trip to your local Ulta.

Barbie Bashin': Why Is Lil' Kim Still Going In On Nicki Minaj?

Why is Lil’ Kim still taking shots at Nicki?

By: Taren Vaughan

Love her or hate her, Young Money’s Nicki Minaj is one of the hottest female rappers in the game right now. And she has a whole band of Barbies following behind her to prove it. Not to mention the Billboard records that she has single handedly broken way before the release of her debut album “Pink Friday”. Known best for her animated voice impersonations and “interesting” choice of hairstyles, Minaj has seen the success that most rappers, let alone female rappers, don’t see within their first year on the scene or their entire careers period. Many notable female emcees have no problem with the Barbie image that Nicki portrays and have even gone into the studio with her a time or two. But there is one out of the bunch that is not really feeling her as much as the rest.

For what’s seems to have been the whole year now, rapper Lil’ Kim has expressed her opinion on Nicki Minaj and what she brings to the world of Hip-Hop. And let’s just say that the “Queen B” is not too impressed with her. And to further show her disapproval for Ms. Minaj, Kim put out “Black Friday”, a diss record mimicking Minaj’s debut album “Pink Friday” which hit stores on November 22nd. For those who haven’t heard the song yet, Kim definitely goes in on Nicki, “Big Momma” style:



Damn, is she taking shots at Drake and Diddy too? Guess all of Barbie’s buddies are on her hit list now.

One thing is quite obvious here after listening to this track. And that is that the reason why Nicki has the Queen buzzin’ so hard is because she feels her style is being jacked without permission. Lil’ Kim has also gone on to speak a few times about how Minaj pays no homage to all the women in the Rap game who paved the way for her. Truth of the matter is, yes, Minaj’s style is very reminiscent of that of Kim’s. The open legged squat pose is more than enough to back up that statement.


Yep, splitting images right there. That’s something that we can all agree on. But I could have sworn that Foxy Brown had that same sex driven image during her time in the spotlight, minus the colorful wigs that is.

And as far as Nicki not giving props to those who came before her, she has cleared her name of that accusation on several award shows and interviews. And let’s not forget about how hard Kim is backing Keys, the Baltimore rapper who can be seen on a popular YouTube video, lyrically ripping Minaj to pure shreds. Anything that’s all about Barbie bashin’, Lil’ Kim is down for. But why though?

What’s the real reason why Kim keeps coming at Nicki like this? Is this her way of bringing her career back to life again? Or is she just that salty about all the success that Minaj has had off of using “her” image? Honestly, it actually could be a bit of both. Rumors have been floating around about Lil’ Kim dropping another album soon. And putting out this diss track could be her way of getting fans ready. But if this new LP is going to be nothing but a Nicki bash fest, it won’t sell much. And if she is not going to give fans that raw, street “Hardcore” Lil’ Kim that we are used to, then we can do without it.

In some people’s eyes, Nicki Minaj may be just a watered down, rip off version of Lil’ Kim. But at the end of the day, you’ve got to give the girl mad props for getting into a male dominated arena and not being afraid to step in it and do her thing. She’s making her dreams come true and that’s at least the one thing Lil’ Kim and everyone else should respect about her. Fans all over are now anxious to see how Nicki will respond to the “Black Friday” track.

Could there be a Lil’ Kim diss record in making? Knowing how Nicki Minaj handles her beef, I wouldn’t even get your hopes up. But you never know anything could happen at this point. As far as the bashing goes, unless it turns into a Nas vs. Jay-Z type deal with a true lyrical battle attached to it, it needs to be squashed and put to rest. Mic fights are the essence of Hip-Hop. But cat fights aren’t.

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Non Exclusive Relationships: He Still Ain't Yours

When you're in an open relationship, don't forget you're nothing more than someone's option.

By: Amanda Anderson

Let me be frank. I hate open relationships. I consider all non exclusive relationships pointless, absurd, and one of the biggest damn wastes of time that any woman could possibly get herself into. I don't care that society pushes promiscuous sex as if it's somehow empowering for women to keep several sexual partners at bay while continuously missing out on love. I can't understand how random sexin' is superior to real love, nor can I understand how any woman can settle for randomness verses stability. With so many STD's and cancers lurking in the realms of promiscuity and unprotected sex, why aren't we taking our bodies and sex more seriously? We're too open in sex and too open in these open relationships, and not only is it screwing up our emotional availability, but it's killing us too.

In an open relationship, you're nothing more than a clever man's option, and I for certain could never understand why so many of my sisters are settling for being some brother's back up plan.

Believe me when I say that it's beneath you to be any man's in the meantime lover, and in the spare time girlfriend.

And I can't help but feel that open relationships are more like stagnant relationships, more suited for men who can't actually see themselves settling down with the woman they are in an open relationship with. These men can't truly see themselves committing to these particular women who pretend they are content with non-exclusiveness, so they keep themselves available for the women more suited for exclusive relationships. It's the truth, yet so many women will bite my head off for saying it.

I don't care that this particular man wines you, and dines you, makes you moan in the bedroom, or keeps your bills paid. You're temporary at a time when he really wants permanent, yet for some reason, you aren't good enough for permanency.

It happens so frequently as women gush over men who have yet to commit to them after a few months of bullsh-ttin' and romancing. You can't even call this man anything else besides your boo, because he doesn't like labels...but the truth is, he actually doesn't mind labels, he just minds a label with you.

Now you might say you're non-exclusive because you don't want to rush anything.

But aren't you having sex? What's more serious and more intimate than sex?

Sex can kill you, yet it's something that you don't feel you should value enough to limit to exclusive titles or men who think you're worthy enough to be with exclusively?

With sex alone, this man could end up being the father of your children, give you a sexually transmitted disease that could potentially kill you or remain with your forever; so how is becoming intimate without exclusiveness taking things slow? I ask this not to patronize, but I feel it's crucial that we see sex for what it really is...life altering. No matter how casual society attempts to make it, sex can still change lives in a way that cannot be reverted.

So yeah...is there really anything faster than sex? Don't let any man fool you into thinking sex isn't serious.

If you are sexing your non-exclusive boyfriend, you are subconsciously signaling that you are content with where you are in non-exclusiveness. You've made a choice without even forcing the man to make his. Now let's look at what you really have in an non-exclusive relationship.

Non-exclusive means someone is an option. Yet, you are probably only screwing, dating, and dining with the man who you are in an open relationship with. So that means you're treating your option like a priority. However, you are still just an option. Because not only is he sexing you when he wants to, he's still free to seek other women, while you're waiting on a label that will probably never happen. Why? Well men tend to rarely go for the women who don't even feel they are worthy enough for labels their damn selves. It's not exactly fair, but you won't be the last woman to fall for the open relationship that never materializes into an exclusive one.

When you agree to an open relationship, you are nothing more than something to do, someone that is good enough only for now, and a pretty piece of ass on standby. You're an amazing woman, yet you date men who see you as just another. What do you really gain from an open relationship that has you handing over the same benefits of a serious one? You're like a two for one special...you're half price when you're really worth more. Besides, it's nothing smart about giving a man the benefits of a commitment without requiring a commitment.

Relationships are better when they are taken seriously. They should always come with boundaries, and involve two people who see each other as something greater than in the meantime. There may be a handsome college educated brother occupying your time with fancy dates and amazing sex, but when it gets old, you'll end up alone, and picking up the pieces shattered by empty promises. And it will hurt you to watch him leave you and commit to another woman who required a label, and up front exclusiveness. It happens all the time.

Don't be that woman who can never get further than the open relationships. It's ultimately up to you and the situations you've agreed to.

Team Nicki or Team Kim? Uh, How About Team Self Respect?

Team Nicki or Team Kim? How about neither?

By: Amanda Anderson

There is no question that Nicki Minaj is leading in the female rap game, and one of the only female rappers working magic on the Billboard charts, and garnering most of the attention (positive or negative) from the public in an anti-climatic music industry that pushes pop music over real hip-hop. While the youngin's have labeled Minaj as the original barbie, those 25 and up have seen all of this before, and can't help but think of the first black barbie, and the one we've come to know as the Queen B. Lil' Kim was penned as the raunchiest of female emcees, but later adopted the barbie persona as she successfully attempted to cross over into pop appeal. No one can argue that Kim has made her an everlasting contribution to hip hop, but with the surge of Minaj's success, Kim has found herself taking a defensive stance, when she ought to be flattered that Nicki's success couldn't have happened without following the original blueprint laid out by the Queen Bee herself. Sure Nicki has switched it up and came into her own with her own signature style of rapping, but when we look at Nicki, we can't help but see Kim.

Maybe it's this reality that has made it hard for Kim to gracefully bow out of the spotlight.

With her refusal to succumb to the successes of the new Head Barbie, Kim has initiated a series of personal attacks via media headlines, interviews, and now...a diss track. Pink Friday has only been out for a few days, and already, Black Friday, Kim's response to Roman's Revenge, is making bigger headlines than Minaj's debut album.

Fans of both barbies are forced to choose sides, with Team Kim and Team Nicki becoming the focal point of Hip-Hop, more so than the music itself.

But one has to ask, should we really be picking teams of two women who have done nothing but single handedly set black women back 3 decades with tacky colored wigs and slut inspired lyrics, with images that reek of low self esteem?

Some will say I'm being too harsh, but when I see these two women, I don't see a team that I want to be a part of. And I most certainly do not see two strong women that have made a contribution to hip hop that I myself can be proud of. If anything, I see two black women who have allowed men to control and dictate their careers, and overall images. Their lyrics don't consist of female empowerment, but instead, focus on material things and a sex game more raunchier than most.

These two "artists" were manufactured by the male rappers who "put them on," with Nicki and Kim looking less like their original selves with each new album and adopted gimmick. Both push plastic images, which in turn, demonstrates the self hate that some black women are pushing behind the blond wigs, butt pads, and skimpy clothes.

It's also interesting that Kim calls Nicki a Lil' Kim clone clown, when both of these women are clowns in their own respective images. Besides their skin tones, these women don't even look like black women. They won't step out the house without their European inspired wigs and weaves. And these are the women I'm supposed to relate to and support artistically?

How is it that two black women lacking in African American features are supposed to somehow represent black women in music?

Most importantly, why have we let this happen, while single handedly letting ourselves get to the point that we can't even realize what we are truly supporting? It's bigger than music when black girls who have yet to even reach the age of 18 years old are looking more like Nicki Minaj than young girls who have the potential to change the world. As Young Money continues to thrive, young black girls are looking more like statistics, than future first ladies.

Our generation is no better when we have also chosen a side, and declared our loyalty to another artist who hates her black features enough to destroy her facial features completely. Should we really be Team Kim, when Kim has been cooning since her debut album that featured a cover with a young Kim spreading her legs open for the world to see?

Again, I don't say this to offend, but we need to wake up and stop supporting artists who push self hate to the young people and gladly promote plastic images that will keep black women in blond wigs and compromising positions with men. Our mentality changed, once our heroes became nothing but self hating Negroes. No wonder we were more interested in Lil' Wayne's release from prison than the 2010 midterm elections which actually affects are lives greater than we realize.

The sad thing is, out of all of this, someone with a lower IQ than George W. Bush will simply write this off as hating. But if you ask me, Lil' Kim and Nicki Minaj are the bigger haters...hell, they hate themselves. And now, they have a lot of black folks hating themselves in the form of barbie-hood and a dependency on someone's else straight hair...I'm just saying.

So don't expect me to be Team Nicki or Team Kim when I actually love my black features. Yeah, I dig my wide nose, my kinky and thick gorgeous hair, the fact that I can walk out the house with nothing on but lip gloss, and still turn more heads than that other chick with the blond wig. I also don't have to walk out the house damn near naked to appeal to the opposite sex. I love my body and it shows in the fact that I don't expose it for unworthy men who can't think of anything else but sexin'.

The good news is, there are more black women just like me. We love ourselves unconditionally, and we can't be on any team that can't seem to agree that we are perfect the way we are. We're intelligent enough to see these artists for what they really are, and determined to do better in our own lives. And if you're that woman, be proud that you're not a barbie, a bad bitch, a queen bitch, a Monica Lewinsky, or any other creature that was created by an entertainment industry that hates women enough to destroy them, one music career at a time.

And if you aren't that woman, now is the time to step into your true potential. But you'll have to break out the plastic shell first, are you ready to be different and love yourself?

Grown women don't play with barbies, and confident women rock their black features like it's beautiful, because it is damn it.

Team Self-Respect.

Is He Worth It? The Personality Traits of a Good Lover

Every good lover has a particular set of characteristics.

By: Amanda Anderson

Sex can be very good or very bad depending on the lover, and for women, sometimes we're naturally attracted to the most incompatible of lovers. Physical attraction is the least of concern when it comes to sexual compatibility, as it's important to have lovers that share our same sexual interests and desires. A fine man won't necessarily be the best sexually, as it all really boils down to personality and one's complete outlook on sex. Selecting that partner isn't as easy as it should be, as it's even harder to distinguish who is not the best relationship wise; so naturally, it's quite understandable why so many women unknowingly continue to love and sex the wrong type of men.

If you want to win big in love, and ultimately sex, here are the personality traits that you should be looking for in men. Be warned that these men have no certain look, no certain height, or any other physical requirement; but it is their views on sex that separates them from the selfish lovers who aren't up for pleasing women.




1. Humility.


Yes, you read right. Humility is one of the most dominant traits of a good lover. Let's discuss the arrogant lover so you can begin to understand why a humble lover is the better of the two.

Arrogant lovers tend to only have one person in mind when they engage in sex...themselves. Yeah, you're there physically, but they aren't there to please you. Instead they are only there to please themselves. You won't intentionally land an orgasm with the arrogant lover, but they'll get theirs several times.

In contrast, the humble lover gets pleased from pleasing you. That's right, he gets off from you getting off. Mistakenly labeled as a sexual servant, humble lovers might seek to please, but they get pleasure from your pleasure...which ultimately is "our pleasure." There is no "I" with this man, but only "we." He's the kind of man so many women will pass up until they ultimately see him from what he is...the sexual superior, and not the inferior man you've mistakenly labeled him as in contrast to the selfish arrogant man who doesn't know more about sex than his own ejaculation.

The arrogant lover is easy to spot as he is often the most boastful with no cause, against oral sex unless he's on the receiving end, and completely ignorant to the female orgasm, but unwilling to learn. Stay away from any man demonstrating any of these characteristics. He's all show, and the show ain't all that.


2. Romance.


Now when I say romance, I don't mean that this brother needs to send you a dozen roses everyday to make you climax. But what I am referring to is the man who isn't ashamed to make you feel special with the right words and the right gestures. And he'll take this mentality right into the bedroom, where he will naturally excel in foreplay and sexual stimulation.

It's rather simple...a man that isn't afraid to demonstrate romance outside the bedroom, won't fret showing you romance inside the bedroom. And we all know that romance in the bedroom is where romance really counts. No woman wants to feel like some sexual conquest, versus feeling completely loved and satisfied during sex.


3. The Great Listener.


A good lover is not one who's born that way. But instead, a good lover is one that listens.

If you are a woman that knows your body, knows what you like, and knows what you need sexually; you'll have no problem telling your partner that. Now the right partner, will listen and take heed to whatever it is that you say. While listening to your words may be crucial, listening to your body is a skill that your partner and significant other needs to have in order for you to be pleased sexually. If he can't listen, then he can't please.


4. Loyalty.


This may seem like a given, but most people don't truly understand how crucial loyalty is to a healthy sexual partnership. If your man isn't loyal, the sex could possibly be better with the other women he is sleeping with.

When a man is no longer loyal to his woman, you won't get his best sex. His best sex will instead be reserved for his sideline woman, and it won''t be long before you'll begin to tell there's another.

But when a man is loyal, it's important to him to do everything he can to make sure you are getting yours. Loyalty just brings out the best in people.


5. Passion and a healthy dose of stamina.

Can he go all night, most importantly, does he want to?

We're not technically at the age where men are physically unable to perform longer sexually, but passion is and will always be completely optional. A passionate man will always outrank the one who lacks passion to be with you sexually. If there is passion, there's no holding back, and a constant desire to maintain a healthy sexual union.

If your man has lost his passion, expect there to be trouble very soon in your relationship.






While these may be the traits of a good lover and a man that is able to please you in the bedroom, keep in mind that you as his loving partner, should embody every single one of these traits as well to increase your chances of pleasing your partner and having the best sex ever. It may be crucial for a woman to be with a man who can please her sexually, but it doesn't mean that a man shouldn't be just as happy in the sexual relationship. Besides, sex is always better when both people are satisfied.

An Obsession With the Spotlight: Flava Flav Is Still Cooning For A Living

Why won’t Flavor Flav accept that his career is over?

By: Taren Vaughan

Even after they are way past their prime, some celebrities feel the need to continuously find their way back to the spotlight once again. From appearing in reality TV shows to attempting to start their own businesses, they will try any and everything to get at least one ounce of fame back that they once had before. For most of us, we would rather they just go sit their asses down somewhere or at least do something productive during their reappearances. But for them, it’s just another chance to revisit stardom one last time. And who better at pulling this stunt than the one and only Flavor Flaaaav.

William Drayton Jr. always finds a way to make us say his name one more time. But too bad most of his attempts have led him absolutely nowhere as far as money or limelight is concerned. Take “The Flavor Of Love” for example. Two words…Epic fail. Not only did he make a pure fool himself on the show with every episode. But he had the audacity to drag other industry cats into that nonsense as well. And let’s not even get on the caliber of females that he had up there. That show was more like a straight up comedy if you ask me. He couldn’t have possibly been looking for a wife in some of those chicks. That show was for sheer entertainment purposes only. But then again, this is Flavor Flav that we are talking about here so he probably would have put a ring on one of those girls’ finger. Oh excuse me, I meant give them a set of gold teeth as his way of tying the knot. As it served for a great laugh and lasted for a couple seasons, who really took Flav seriously with this show? Nobody with any good sense that’s for damn sure.

Since the last season of “The Flavor Of Love”, thoughts of Flav have virtually left our minds. At this point, I honestly thought he would be somewhere chillin’, doing things that most 51 year olds do like playing golf and or out somewhere relaxing on the beach. But that’s way too normal for Flav to do. He has to be doing something outrageous or ridiculous or it just wouldn’t be right. And now he has come up with yet another “brilliant” way to get his pockets right again.

Get ready folks because Flav is coming out with his very own fried chicken franchise. Oh don’t act like this tidbit of information shocked you. We all know Flav is the King of cooning so this is pretty much right up his alley. And to top it all off, he is pulling a “Diddy” and coming out with his own vodka line, “Le Flav Spirits”. Now doesn’t he just sound like the next Warren Buffett? With his track record, chances are that this little plan of his will probably tank just like the other projects that he has taken on. I could have sworn that reality TV was Flav’s cup of tea. I guess he had a recent change of heart.

Seriously though, what is really good with this dude? Mid life crisis perhaps? Or maybe he is just that broke that he needs to find any and every way to make ends meet. Whatever it is, it must be stopped immediately. I’d rather see him pick up a mic and start rapping again. When he was with Public Enemy as their hype man, at least he was doing something world changing and that really had us thinking about real issues in today’s society when he did that. This was when myself and other people of the world actually took him seriously.

Back in the day, rocking the big clock around his neck drew much attention and started a semi-fashion trend amongst Hip-Hop heads. But at the age of 51, don’t you think it’s time to give up the big clocks Flav? Let’s try wearing a regular watch on your wrist like most grown people do. The cornrows, grills, crowns and Viking hat; it’s about time to put those things to rest homie. Let it go Flav. YOUR time is up.

Triple Negative: Deadly Cancer Found In Black Women Caused By Our Skin

Vitamin D deficiency caused by skin leads to deadly cancer in Black women.

By: Taren Vaughan

When it comes to developing certain diseases, we as African American females always seem to get the short end of the stick. In comparison to white women, we are prone to facing greater health risks across the board. And for these risks, many of them can potentially be much more life threatening than they are for women of other racial groups. Cancer is one disease in particular that has always heavily affected black women. Luckily for both genders, extensive research has led to the development of new treatments that totally cure some of the most common forms of cancer out there. The unfortunate part about all of this is that a lot of the newer treatments for cancer, namely breast cancer, don’t help sisters out as much as we once thought.

According to Lisa A. Newman, researcher at the University of Michigan, our ancestry plays a huge part as to why our bodies don’t respond to new age cancer treatments as well as white women’s do:

“Outcome disparities are therefore likely to increase, because fewer black women are candidates for these newer treatments”

To get a better grasp of the main causes behind the rapid rates of aggressive forms of cancer in African American women, studies were conducted in both Ghana and in the United States. While they found that lower percentages of white and black women developed triple negative breast cancer, a little over 80 percent of African women fall victim to this form of cancer. While these stats only show that aggressive cancer rates are linked to African women the most out of all three groups, overall both black women and African women are more likely to suffer from deadly forms of cancer period, with breast cancer being one of the most common forms.

Now the name “triple negative” itself sounds very much like a serious form of cancer without even knowing the full details behind it. Newman and her team of researchers go on to discuss why triple negative cancer seems to knock on the doors of women of color more than anyone else. And a lot of it has to do with the type of skin that we have.

Women of color, which includes Hispanic and African American women, have skin that contains melanin. And seeing as though melanin blocks ultra-violet light, the source at which Vitamin D is produced from, our levels will remain much lower than those of Caucasian women. Because our low levels of Vitamin D are mostly likely due to a lack of sunlight, Author Phyllis A. Balch says that there is no need to run out to the grocery store and stock up on Vitamin D tablets. That problem can be taken care of by just letting your skin get a sufficient amount of sun:

“Vitamin D supplements are not necessary; all that is needed for the body to manufacture adequate amounts of Vitamin D for fighting cancer is to expose your hands and face to sunlight for twenty minutes each day. Do not use sunscreen during this twenty-minute period, since sunblocks screen out the kind of ultraviolet light that stimulates the natural production of the vitamin.”

Aside from not getting the right amount of sunlight, other factors like living in communities with high crime levels and overall dietary practices can trigger the development of life threatening forms of cancer as well. But seeing as though some of us can’t always control the types of environments that we grow up in, we can however ensure that we engage in activities that allow our bodies to get enough Vitamin D naturally on a regular basis. Taking a few moments to let our skin get some much needed sun could help us fight off that deadly triple negative, leading us to living longer, healthier and most important, cancer free lives.

Source: Natural News

Is The Nice Guy Too Boring? Meet the Douche Bag, the Only Alternative to Boredom

Many women will foolishly turn down the nice guy because he's too boring and predictable. But aren't good guys supposed to be predictable? 

By: Amanda Anderson

I write this in complete love. And I'm not saying I love you because it sounds good. I'm telling you that I love you as my sister, and just like a sister, sometimes we have to give each other a reality check. And there is a sister out there who needs a reality check, because she continuously passes over love for excitement, all because what was best for her lacked the drama. She declares that there aren't enough good men to pick from, yet she's passed up several for the douche bag she's still dating.

This woman could be your closest girlfriend, your sister, cousin, or even yourself. But we all know her, and constantly wonder how many times she has to call us crying before she actually gives the man a chance that would actually have her smiling. Some of us wonder why she turns down men for being too nice, in exchange for men who will only treat her like sh-t. 

When it comes to selecting men, although she may complain that there is an ugly shortage of good brothers lurking over her single shoulders, there's also an awful epidemic of naivete and poor taste that will keep a lot of women single and ultimately unhappy, craving a love they will never have. You see, not only did love appear in this woman's life a few times, she overlooked this love because it wasn't tall enough, handsome enough, making a large salary or exciting enough to invoke weekly conversation with her girlfriends. This potential love wasn't anything like the movies, dramatic enough to invoke her deepest desires, or a rebel enough to keep her interests. He was just...nice. And surely the nice guys are too boring to love, right? 

These women say they want a good man and they are hard to find, yet they continue to pass down men who exemplify the traits of a good man because they say he lacks passion. I guess his passion to make you happy isn't better than some douche bag's passion to keep your ass on an emotional roller coaster, correct?

So who better to keep your life full of excitement than a douche bag? Now before you tell me I'm tripping and crazy to even suggest such a thing, look around you, and you'll be able to spot at least 5 of your girlfriends who have gladly made the switch from nice to douche. They complain constantly about how awful men are but they only date douche bags. Treat these women like sh-t and they'll love you. Treat them right, and you'll bore them to death. 

These women are just as bad as the "scientists" who chase tornadoes. They see beauty and potential in the storm, while the rest of us only see a natural disaster. This brother could wreck havoc in their life and knock down opportunities of real love; yet these sisters feel like devastation has to be better than the peaceful brother who rather avoid the storms. 

Think I'm exaggerating? Consider that there are millions of women who have traded in the nice old boring guy for the exciting and new douche bag. Women will gladly turn down the guy who actually does what he says (boring) in exchange for the guy who does what he wants (exciting). 

Now you know how the typical douche bag rolls...he's not too big on being predictable. Oh no, he likes to keep you on your toes. He has a signature style of keeping you guessing and you'll never know his next move because he treats all his relationships like a game, and he isn't trying to lose. 

But that boring dude actually treats his relationships like a partnership. You're his equal, and he rather have a tie than win and have you lose. But since he's too predictable and has no bad boy balls, you're politely turning him down for the douche bag. Yes, that's right. You just turned down the guy who actually wants to treat your right for the guy who won't even treat you to dinner. Make any sense?

So instead, you'll be guessing on rather he is going to actually call you back, be faithful, or even take you out on a date this month. But the guessing game is more exciting than the man who actually keeps his word though isn't it?

Now I'm not perfect, hell I've made many mistakes and dated quite a few douche bags. I can call these men many things, but I could never call them boring. Each week I had to question who they were sideline sexin' or rather they would make time for me that week. That was the most exciting time of my life, wondering just how many women my boyfriend was entertaining at my expense.

Infidelity...just oozes with excitement, doesn't it?

And even through all of that excitement, there was always some less exciting guy asking me out to dinner. One guy went so far as to cook me dinner, but even that was a total snooze fest.

And of course, I stayed with the douche bags, as these boring nice men finally gave up and moved on. Eventually, they met a more stable woman, who was smart enough to see them for what they were...a total catch.

After all the pain and frustration of those relationships, I finally decided that the excitement wasn't really what I needed. But what I did need was a man that treated me right, who would do what the hell he says he's going to do, and not view me as an competitor, but a partner in a relationship that was meant for two people to be happy.

Here's the truth, healthy and good relationships are boring. They involve two people who believe in following through with their promises, and maintaining peace in their relationship.

Have you ever talked to a woman who was happy in her relationship?

She'll tell you that her man is totally predictable, hates to argue, and is the most dependable man she's ever been with. The excitement she gets comes from knowing she's loved, and the biggest surprise she'll get is a bouquet of flowers she wasn't even expecting.

This woman doesn't have to wonder if her man will call her back, follow through with his promises, or give his all in a relationship. His woman is not his enemy, so he doesn't feel the need to battle, but he does feel the need to keep peace. And it's these things that demonstrate that it is he who values the relationship more than the douche bag who's always willing to take a gamble on your happiness.

Now I didn't write this to offend, but I wrote it because I used to be the serial douche bag dater. Yes, I was the crazy woman who passed up numerous opportunities for real love in exchange for the man who couldn't even keep his promises, or be faithful longer than two weeks.

After growing up a little and realizing that boring dudes make better husbands, boyfriends, and lovers; I cut off any guy the first sign of excitement. If I couldn't count on you to return my phone calls, I couldn't continue to date you. I guess raising standards attracts a better plethora of men because once I had some standards, the douche bags couldn't wait to get away from me. And who was left still standing? Exactly.

So I suggest if you're looking for real love, you stay clear of those exciting brothers. Love is supposed to never fail, be patient, and be kind; yet we're forcing love with men who refuse to keep promises and treat us with respect. But the man who can do all those things, won't be so unpredictable. But just maybe that's what all women need. I'd rather have a man who has my back, than the man who has my stomach in knots.

Stability, there's nothing better.

The 35 Year Old Booty Call...Could This End Up Being You?

Meaningless sex is all fun when you're in your 20s and single, but what happens when you're 35 and that's all you have?

By: Amanda Anderson


* Per request, all names used are facetious in order to respect the privacy of our interviewees.

Women are not what we used to be. No longer do we feel the need to be sexually conservative and slaves to the sexual limitations originally set by a more traditional masculine dominated society; we are taking charge in love, sex, and the ever going battle between the opposite sex. We're not ashamed to love em' and leave em', and still demand real love at the end of our fun filled days. Some of us settle for good old fashioned commitment free sex, and in between the ones that don't matter, we'll continuously search for the one that will. While we may have gotten the man's game down to a science, we can still conclude that women aren't necessarily winning as often as the men do, and while they will still marry with plenty of options despite their old college days of whoredom, women who play the game could easily find themselves alone and oversexed by the time they reach their mid 30s. Men may want to conveniently reap the benefits of the modern day woman, but rarely do they want to marry her, and make her a mother or life partner. 

So for the woman who played the game and finds herself loveless and 35, she has to question if she should have ever played the game. Booty calls are fun when love isn't necessarily an option, but what if the time is ticking, and you're still just a booty call in your 30s? 

Meet the 35 Year Old Booty Call.

She's a gorgeous woman. Perfectly manicured, designer rags, and flawless face; but she can only recall encountering two men that ever meant anything more to her than just good sex with no strings attached. She's college educated, has a high paying career, but besides her stunning looks, undeniable charm, and hefty bank account; men only want to have fun. Needless to say, she's the perfect woman for a good time, but the wrong woman for wife and kids. 

Vanessa Waters never imagined she'd be the 35 year old woman who's phone only rings for hot sweaty sex, but rarely for a third date.

"It's crazy actually. 10 years ago, I swore I had all the time in the world. I kept meeting guys who were attractive and who had great careers, but they could never get serious with me. After a while, I figured I would just stop stressing over the fact that I had no love in my life, and get my physical needs met in the meantime. Some of my friends told me that this probably wasn't the best route to love, but I think loneliness is one of my greatest weaknesses. And for a long time, I had rather be a booty call, than have an empty bed at night. Now I'm 35, and can't even recall my last decent relationship.

I know it's not over for me, but I do wish I had done things differently. I thought I was fabulous because I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve like most women, but I wish there was someone in my life that made me feel like a woman, not just some quick and easy booty call. So many women think they have the upper hand in this, but if they don't watch it, they'll wake up and still be the late night chick in their 30s and soon, their 40s."

So why is Vanessa unable to make the transition from fun to serious when it comes to men?

James Atkinson thinks booty calls hurt a woman's chances in the long run. 

"I don't think women understand that men size up women by two things: her reputation and the way she carries herself. If we can't find out a woman's reputation, or if we can't dig up any dirt on her, we're just going to pay attention to what she does. We'll see how quickly we can get sex, if we can get away with calling her after hours for sex, and just what we can really get away with. If a woman is on the easy side, no we're not going to feel the need to take her out or be exclusive with her. It's not always fair, but men won't knowingly settle down with women who are on the loose side. No one wants to wife the booty call.

Being a booty call is a choice, and a woman has to shed that role if she wants something serious with any man. Now I do know some women with the worst pasts slide through the cracks, but that's only because they decided to stop acting like a booty call, and we couldn't really find any dirt to counter the fact that she wasn't relationship material. If she's acting like she respects herself and we can't find any dirt to counter that, we'll treat her like she's never been someone's booty call. Men will always treat women based off how they treat themselves. If you're still a booty call in your 30s, it's time to stop taking those late night calls. All that man's going to do is get what he wants from you, and wife the chick that told him not to call her so late. We do it all the time."

Vanessa still has hope to find real love despite her overuse and dependency of booty calls. Only she can remove the label, and become the kind of woman who is worthy of a serious relationship and a man's absolute best. It may be lonely to sleep in a bed by yourself while you wait on the real thing, but just maybe a crowded bed can lead to an empty bed in the long run. If you want love, perhaps it's time to become better than someone's option, and late night booty call. 

Sexy Natural Hair: Secrets to Gorgeous Big Hair

Want sexy big hair? Here's how to get it without relying on products.

By: Amanda Anderson

Natural hair may be fabulous as is, but just like our relaxed sisters, we're always trying to achieve the perfect look, and ultimately the perfect big hair. Considered sexy, fearless, and bold; big hair has it's way of standing out in a crowd. There may be many types of natural hair, but it's usually a particular hair style or styling method itself that will give you the volume you've been looking for to turn a few heads. Here's the top styles, tools, and methods to get the kind of sexy big hair you have been dreaming of.

1. The Pick

You'll need to keep a pick close by to bring some of your favorite natural hair styles to life. After my big chop, my immediate style was the tried and true braid out. I always prefer big hair unless I am being tied down to professionalism (yes, folks are still ignorant about natural hair), so naturally, I would have to use my handy pick to achieve the volume I desired. But be warned, too much use of the pick will result in an afro and less curl definition. 

When styling, gently take the pick and lift up roots and the middle sections of your hair. This will achieve instant volume. Remember, oil is key to minimizing frizz.

2. Finger Separating and Shingling

Rather it's a twist out, braid out, or bantu knots, I find that using my fingers for separating gives me the big hair I love. Of course you'll need oil to cut down the frizz, but gently use your fingers to separate curls. I find that dividing my curls once or twice is enough. Anymore than that, I am dealing with less definition, and an afro.

Shingling is a great method to define curls, and evenly spread products into your hair. When doing a wash and go, shingling can be used to add volume and make curls more evident.

3. Bantu Knots

Want big fluffy hair easy? Well Bantu Knots is the ultimate style for volume and body. This is by far one of my favorite hair styles when I want big fluffy hair with no fuss, and no twists or braids. I find that bigger Bantu Knots give me bigger hair, while smaller ones give me more definition. I love this style because it's easy. But be warned that everyone doesn't get it right on the first try. 

My only complaint is that this style takes forever to dry, but it's a signature look that I can always depend on when I don't have time to twist or braid.

This video from a natural hair vlogger throughly explains this method.

4. Chunky Braid Outs and Twist Outs

As you will learn as a natural, volume is sometimes all in how you style your hair. For more definition, it's better to use smaller twists and braids; but for more volume, it's always better to use bigger braids and twists. 

Styling on dry hair also helps, but the biggest factor is the size of the braids and twists. Fewer braids/twists always results in bigger hair. To maintain definition at the  crown, use smaller twists/braids at the front.

This video from a natural hair vlogger demonstrates how to achieve this method.

5. The Pigtail Overnight Method

Satin bonnets are great for overnight care, but if you aren't up for re-twisting or braiding your hair at night, I suggest keeping away from the bonnets. Bonnets flatten the hair, and will decrease volume. Instead, divide your hair into four sections (gently) with small elastic bands into four pig tails. If you like, you can retwist or braid two pieces in the front, but be sure to take out the pig tails in the morning. Your shape, volume, and length should be preserved thanks to the pig tail method.

Although this is a great way to maintain your style at night, I don't suggest wearing your hair out more than once every other night. To prevent tangling, try to re-braid and twist or bantu knot your hair every other day when you're not using the pig tail method. 

As you can see, great volume doesn't require expensive hair products, heat, or inconvenient styling methods. Just a good old fashioned pick, smart styling with bigger braids/twists/knots, and smarter overnight maintenance. Be sure to keep your hair moisturized, and hydrated daily to keep your hair healthy.